Concision
Chapter Summary
Contents |
Simple Sources of Wordiness
Many writers use more words than necessary to get their point across. To avoid such sentences, one should follow two principles: first, try to write with the least number of words, and second, don’t state what the reader already knows.
The following is a list of the most common kinds of wordiness:
Redundant Pairs or “doubling words” occur because of the many words the English language have borrowed from Latin and French. The writer pairs the new words with their English relatives since the foreign word seems more scholarly, resulting in excessive use of synonyms (a common example is "hopes and desires").
Redundant Modifiers are two words with similar meanings. For example: Saying "past history" sounds redundant, because the reader knows that history implies the past.
Redundant Categories are extra words used to describe things that already imply their own category- for example, you would not say "the color blue", because the reader already knows blue is a color.
Meaningless Modifiers are words which we use so often that they become second nature; however, they do not enhance the meaning of the sentence. Some examples are 'kind of', 'basically', 'really', and 'definitely'.
Pompous Diction refers to the use of unnecessary big words. When these words are removed or replaced your diction becomes more direct, even if it does not become clearer. Nevertheless, there are cases in which one cannot replace a formal word with a simpler one because there is no accurate synonym for the formal word. For example: 'intransigent' does not mean stubborn or firm. “It means to adopt an unreasonably fixed position”, so if that is the meaning you are trying to convey to your reader, you will have to stick with using 'intransigent'.
Complex or Excessive Wordiness: Often times when writing, we state the obvious or provide unnecessary detail without considering what the reader already knows. In such cases, removing excess words from a sentence does not guarantee clarity. You should instead carefully reread your sentence and think about how to rewrite it. However, it is also important to understand why a student might write such sentences. Writers must get to know the “velcro theory of knowledge”, which says that the more we already know the easier it is to learn something new, because “new knowledge sticks to old knowledge” and we have organized old knowledge in a way that allows us to accumulate new knowledge more easily; Students who write wordy, redundant sentences usually don't have a lot of old knowledge to back their sentences up. Often these students are being faced with new material or writing in a new environment, and the reason it seems like they are summarizing material the reader is already familiar with is because they are trying to show what they've learned in order to prove that they know it.
Williams describes metadiscourse as "the language used to describe our own thinking and writing while we write, the structure of what we write, and the reader's act of reading". He gives an example passage that is cluttered with the writer's voice and very little actual information, and explains that metadiscourse used properly can help a reader know how to understand what they are reading. He then goes into a discussion of specific types of metadiscourse- specifically hedges and empathetics, sequences and topicalizers, and attributors and narrators.
Hedges are any words in a sentence used to back away from making a completely absolute statement.
Empathetics used properly can lend strength to an argument, but using too many implies arrogance.
Sequences and Topicalizers are words/phrases that lead readers through the text, but too many can clutter up a passage.
Attributors and Narrators tell the reader where you got your information, and have a similar effect to hedges in backing away from making a definitive statement.
Williams cautions against using any of these too much, but encourages prospective writers to look for examples and use their own judgment, since the amount of metadiscourse used even by successful writers can vary greatly.
A Phrase for a Word
In his section "A Phrase for a Word", Williams discusses the need to revise writing to eliminate unnecessary phrases. The problem with redundancy, Williams says, is that “we state what we could have left implied” (Williams, 122). In addition, Williams would rather we state phrases more simply than overwrite. Williams emphasizes the need to test every word and phrase to eliminate these redundancies.Williams addresses the question of instructing writers to not write in the negative or write in the positive. He says "If we want to be more concise and direct, we should prefer writing in the affirmative". What he means by this is that telling a writer to do something is usually much more effective than telling them what not to do.
The difficulty with these revisions is that there is no specific vocabulary or method to use in revising writing. Williams, however, proposes two essential techniques that writers can use while revising their writing.
- 1.) Compress several words into single words.
- 2.) Compress many common phrases.
- 1.) Compress several words into single words.
- a.) Carefully read what you have written.
- b.) Edit.
- a.) Carefully read what you have written.
- a.) Try to see where...
- b.) Find.
Application to Twitter
Introduction:
Williams' chapter on concision explains how to write well and with clarity by writing shortly and clearly, using as few words as possible. He gives examples on how to shorten your writing, be clearer, and have more of an impact with using fewer words. This chapter ties in very well with an application called Twitter. Twitter is a fairly new (2006) application reaching approximately up to 55 million people per month. It was designed for people to post what they are doing or feeling as often as they want for others to see. However, you are limited to only 140 characters to be compatible with SMS messaging. This limit has brought slang to an extreme high. Some people find the limit struggling and some find is easy or fun, but regardless, all people are having to use as few words as possible to get their point across, which is what Williams talks about. Twitter is a growing phenomenon and while more and more people are using this shorthand, or concision, in everyday life, the way it is spreading to our youth’s writing, speaking, and actions, might not be exactly what Williams was intending.
Examples of URL shorteners and processes:
Tweetshrink:is the best way to fit your text within constraints of a tweet, by replacing phrases and words with shorter representations. Also it helps cut those extra letters off a tweet that has reached over the maximum characters of 140.
Twitterfeed:it updates your status with a RRS feed of your choice. If your blog has RRS feed, twitterfeed will read the feed,and update your status.
bit.ly.com: offers customize URL tracking, a 301 redirect service and is twitters current default shortening service.
budurl.com:most popualr with Web marketing professionals because of its abilites, to customize URL's, redirects of 307, and tracking serives.
tinyurl.com:the biggest piece missing in this URL, is tracking service (which all other devices have this). Also shorter charcter counts due to smaller site addresses is a problem.
Simple Sources of Wordiness:
The Twitter writer should try, in the interest of space, to omit words that are implied by other words.
Example: Twitter.com is a website on the internet that allows its users to post messages for other users to read, if their profiles are linked.
can be trimmed to:
Twitter.com allows users to exchange messages.
The writer should also keep in mind who the audience is. As Williams says, writing is sometimes done to members of the writer's own community, who share much of the same knowledge.
Example: When you log into Twitter, you will see your friends' tweets displayed next to their picture.
Any user of the site already knows this, so none of it needs to be said.
Also, people can easily view what is going on in their own neighborhood using Twitter. It is not possible to write too much when you only have 140 characters to work with.
Complex Sources of Wordiness:
Excessive detail is the main culprit of complex wordiness. When tweeting, it is important to get to the point.
Example: Twitter, the social networking site, allows only 140 characters per post, or tweet, including spaces and punctuation.
can be trimmed to:
Twitter allows only 140 characters per tweet.
In the same vein, twitter is designed as a cumulative blog in a sense. Members of twitter don't need to retweet things they have said before--it is assumed that those who are following you are paying attention.
Example: Remember, I'm having a costume-madatory party on Halloween at my apartment on Cross Street. Be there at 8pm sharp!
can be trimmed to:
Party tonight!
A faithful follower will know all of the implied detail
Metadiscourse, One More Time:
Just as using too much metadiscourse in your everyday prose is to be avoided, you also shouldn’t clutter your tweets with unnecessary modifiers. Being direct and to the point is an efficient way to post interesting tweets. Twitter only allows for 140 character posts, which should be aimed towards being clear and concise. By eliminating certain types of metadiscourse within in your tweets, your followers (online audience) will better understand the purpose of what you are tweeting.
Hedges: Hedges allow us to avoid definite assertions. The limitations of a tweet really constrain what we want to say. Avoiding the use of hedges is appropriate for twitter because it helps to leave out useless characters to make a more concise tweet.
Example: Basketball, in some ways, is the most difficult of all the professional sport in my opinion. It’s quite possibly the most fun to watch.
A more successful tweet would be this by eliminating the unnecessary modifiers:
Example: Basketball is the most difficult of all professional sports and the most fun to watch.
Emphatics:
When used appropriately, empathics can help your followers better understand what your opinion is. Placing certain empathics in a tweet may help your followers believe what you are tweeting, but over usage will make you come off as egotistical or cynical. Consider how pompous the next tweet sounds.
Example: The fact is that it’s obvious the cardinal rule of life is to treat others the way you want to be treated as we can plainly see.
Remove unneeded words that just say “believe me” and leave a necessary emphatic to get a more precise tweet.
Example: The cardinal rule in life is to treat people the way you want to be treated.
Sequencers and Topicalizers:
As in regular text, simply stating the topic or problem is sufficient. The limit on characters prevents any sort of introduction to a topic (a simple search in Twitterfall will supply the reader with the best flow of material on one topic). The posts on Twitterfall appear in sequence, all relating to a word or phrase that you searched for. Twitterfall is the best way to see hash tag discussions which are the easiest to follow. If you want to help your reader work through your tweets that will cover alot of information, link topics with a hash tag instead of writing out the whole phrase or sentence to help them through your message and on to other similar postings.
Example: #Obama isn't making much progress in his first year as president.
Example: I think #Obama is doing just fine for what he had to start with.
Attributors and Narrators:
Another suggestion that Williams gives in regards to concision is to watch our attributors and narrators. He says to take a closer look at our writing, because sometimes we are still trying to work out precisely what we want to say and instead of giving our results, we are giving our thoughts. Phrases like, “I was concerned with”, “I have concluded”, “It is my opinion”, can all be avoided and will help to make your work more factual instead of opinionated. Writers tend to slip anonymous attribution into their prose by stating that something has been “observed”, “found”, “noted”, “remarked”; but unless you have some good reason to hedge a bit, leave out the fact that any unspecified observer has observed something, just state what was observed and leave it at that. Of course, if the assignment is a reflective assignment asking for personal opinions, narrating is fine; it is only a problem when the results aren’t showing through your thoughts. When you eliminate the narrators and refocus attention on what the reader needs to know, you make the passage more pointed and effective.
Twitter encourages this in a way with its character limitation. You have to say as much as possible in a very limited amount of words and punctuations, so the tendency to abbreviate and get straight to the point is a common attribute. Twitter is also an application with no limits to what you say so you can be as blunt as possible.
For example:
A statement that looks like this on paper... It is my opinion that we all need to work together to save our planet and recycle as much and often as possible because I have found that it is a big job that will take some participation from everyone.
Will be posted like this on Twitter... Don't be a douche bag, make sure you recycle your fricken bottles!
Both of these statements are saying the same thing, to recycle, but even with fewer words there is more emphasis in the second one. This example may be a farfetched example but these types of statements will get more of a response than the first kind, which is what Williams explains, concision is a direct and effective style.
Not the Negative:
To understand many negatives, we have to convert them to affirmatives, because negative statements only designate what we should do by telling us what we should not do. Not every negative can be translated into an affirmative when dealing with Twitter, but many negatives can be translated into an affirmative form.
Examples:
did not- lack of
did not deny- disbelieve
not certain- doubtful
does not feel- untouchable
not possible- impossible
In some cases negative figures of speech can be resonable, especially when tweeting on twitter. When you only have 140 characters to say what you are thinking, it might be difficult. The exceptions to using negative figures of speech, is when talking to your friends, tweeting, writing on facebook, or myspace.
Examples:
" I did not deny going to the mall with my friends"
" I do not feel like going to school"
" I am not certain of tweetdeck"
As long as you are not using negative figures of speech, when writing a paper, or giving a presentation, there is no harm of using it.
Is it possible to express the affrimative through a negative? We are more concerned about how to do something, rather than not doing something. So it is important to express action in the affrimative.
Examples:
" The party wasnt all that fun"
" The limo driver did not drive to fast"
" The school lunches werent all that bad"
Conclusion
When tweeting on Twitter you want the reader to know something about what you are doing at that very moment or something that the reader is looking for (the outcome or the condition). This allows people to follow you and be followed. If you use some of the Twitter applications you can let people know further information about you, for example:
@username + message: directs a twitter at another person, and causes your twitter to save in their “replies” tab.
Example:@epapiez I went there on vacation last summer too.
D username + message: sends a person a private message that goes directly to their device, and then saves in their web archive.
Example: D stevenson will you get me a coffee while you are at starbucks?
GET username: recalls the latest Twitter update by that person
Example: GET Russ
FAV username: brand a person’s last Twitter as a favorite.
Example: FAV kyrstal26
WHO is username: retrieves the profile information for any public user on Twitter.
Example: WHO is Caroline?
NUDGE username: sends a reminder to a friend to update by asking them what they are doing on your defense.
Example: NUDGE Scott
These commands allows twitter to be an easy and flowing process. Without these commands twitter wouldnt run properly. Twitter is one of the most popular using devices in society today and there is only more to come of it.